Like most of you, I grew up with Sesame Street. I still remember many of the songs and videos they played over and over again.
Today, this one is running through my mind:
"One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?"
Do you ever feel like you just don't know your place in the grand scheme of things? I do. I struggle with this almost daily. Yes, I am raising another human being, a job that can compare to none. But I also try to hold my own little place in the business world, a job for which I can barely find enough extra energy. Or time.
In college, I had a plan. A plan for my own communications agency. It had a name, a logo, even letterhead that I designed myself. Grand ideas. And frankly, ideas that will never fit into my world. Ideas that were born of the naive optimism of a college student.
I love my time with Amelia. She loves her time with me. We are a team to the end of time, and I would give that up for nothing. But when I leave her at school and weave through traffic to the office, I am lost. Who am I? People I used to work with, or who used to work for me, are now miles above me in the hierarchy of the world. Some have children, some do not. They seem to know where they fit.
Why does this bother me? I made my choice. I selected a part-time career in order to be there for my adorable baby girl. I was not demoted, I was not fired - I am the one who chose this.
I guess there is no point to this post. I just do not know where I fit. I am not a stay-at-home mom, I am not a full-time working mom. I am a.... ?
One of these things is not like the other....
Oh Julie. :( You sound so sad in your writing. I think a lot of parents feel the same way. We dedicate so much of who we are to our children, that when we aren't wrapped up in them, we don't know what to do. Try to focus on finding one thing for yourself that you enjoy. Whether it's a walk or reading a book or soaking in the tub. Things tend to come to us when we're relaxed and not stressing about them.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I had all kinds of great "plans" and was the over-achiever in college. I even went on to get my Master's. But, despite my plans and everyone telling me what a great job I would do, nothing worked out because I couldn't work. My solice to being at home with my kids is the comradery I find from other mothers in my Mom's groups. I know you probably don't have tons of time for one, but its been encouraging for me to be surrounded by a group of wonderful ladies who have the same child rearing challenges I do. And, ironically, nearly all of them went to college and sacrificed their careers to be full time Moms. Most of us agree its the hardest job you will ever have because you get no breaks and it can be high stress. But, its the most rewarding and, as you already know, this is their most influential time in life. What you teach them now is what they will come back to. I struggle with other issues too as to why I can't work, but I try (and often fail) at reminding myself that this is just a season of life. Things will not be as they are now forever. And, one day I will have a clean house again. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a hardworking Mom! I am stay at home (part time, too). It seems strange to go back and forth, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
ReplyDeleteI am still trying to find my place outside of mom and wife.
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